So... tomorrow is the big day huh?!

"So, are you ready for The Big Day" I said to my friend Ben Friday night in the midst of casual conversation.  He looked at me strange for a second as if he didn't know what "The Big Day" was.  I watched the lights in his head flicker on and off for a second before finally deciding to stay on.  Everyone knows what the big day is.  "You mean Monday?" Silly Boy, of course I meant Monday, I love the First Day of School.  Don't act like you don't.

After all, The First Day of School as been a tradition burned into our heads our heads since around the age of four, or five  depending on if your name first appeared on the roll call sheet in pre-school or kindergarten.  Tis' the season for back-to-school sales and specials, school clothes, supply lists.  Just because were in college doesn't mean we have to walk around and act like we aren't excited for the big day.  If anything, we should be more excited and thrilled with anticipation. Yes, Monday marks the end of sleeping in until one and tanning by the water; but it also means the end of summer 9-5 jobs and the torturous pace of summer classes. And if your lucky, by the end of the week,or even by Wednesday, you will get to basque in the other activities that Back To School has to offer you; like puke rallies and keg stands.

So now you are probably thinking, "Where is she going with all this?"  I have decided that since back to school is an annual occurrence in the majority of our lives for the majority of our lives it's safe to say that the first day of school should be considered a holiday.  

I'm now in my fourth year of college meaning tomorrow marks my 18th first day of school. Though purchasing new outfits with financial aid disbursement checks, breaking open fresh packs of pens, and fighting third graders in the aisles of Target for the best notebooks (as if they didn't know "college ruled" is for College kids, and college kids only) now seems routine it still carries the same excitement year after year. It makes me feel rather accomplished.  Happy First Day of School to everyone reading, and if your First Day isn't just yet, I wish it to you in advance.  And lastly, if by some strange occurrence you already started school, I apologize for my tardiness, Happy Belated First Day of School. 

I look ridiculous

Great news kidds: I'm graduating. Mind you, this mostly means that I will be finding a sturdy cardboard box to live in as I pay off a lifetime of student loans because I can't find a frickin' job. Only kidding about the box, I'll actually be living with my parents for a while, which is just as sad of an option, except it's warmer and I get free food.

For the most part, I'm pretty excited about graduation. The way I see it, it's my opportunity to force my parents to sit in a hot, crowded auditorium so they can properly acknowledge how smart I am. I'm VERY smart. I have honors chords to prove it, because clearly what matters in life is not what you have actually learned, but the records that prove you learned it better than 90 percent of your graduating class.

But yesterday, when I went to pick up my cap and gown, the ceremonial aspect of graduating lost a bit of its luster. First of all, who was in charge of designing the attire for commencement ceremonies?! I look ridiculous. This may or may not be due to the fact that the cap and gown company assumes anyone who is six feet tall also weighs 300 pounds - I'm can practically go for a swim in my gown. The trusty "one-size-fits-all" cap is the biggest lie in America. It does not fit all. It's barely big enough to fit around my fat head. Once I squeeze it on, it's a matter of not making any sudden movements, or else the elastic slides off my head in a swift motion, making it appear as though my cap is actually trying to escape.

To top it all off, my gown (which is only a rental) smells like vinegar. So I get to look ridiculous and smell weird while my family snaps hundreds of photos that they will treasure forever. Awesome.

Stupid attire aside, I am quite thrilled to be done with school. But as previously mentioned, I have not yet found a job. I'm sure the glory of freedom will get old the minute my bank account hits zero. But seeing as I will officially be an unemployed burden to society, that only means I'll have more time to blog. Lucky you.

I want to take this time to thank balloons.

So, I have spent the last 48 hours looking for topics that I like to refer to as "blog-worthy."  One, because that is what we do at this website, go through our everyday college life looking for interesting or stupid that things that other college kidds want to read about, thus making them blog worthy. Two, because I am aware I have been on a particularly long "vacation" from posting anything with substance.  Either way, I found something.
....Balloons.
The universal toy.  I have seen balloons entertain packs of people ranging from the age of 2 to 82.  Well maybe not 82. I don't really hang out with the practically morbid all to often, but I digress (Ambron 2007).  Balloons entertain everyone.
I have spent the last few days at a "leadership" conference with other students from my University.  Were stranded at the Stanley Hotel in Estes Park, if you have seen "The Shining," you can fill in the blanks. But anyway, we have been in and out of workshops and key-note speakers and I have watched 200+ individuals do everything in their seats except attempt to actually pay attention.
But today, our advisor passed out balloons.  Within a few hours...were sitting in a dining room, doing nothing, and two of those balloons went into the air.  No helium, no pretty designs, no nothing, but for the first time in three days I saw attentivness, excitment, and a willingness to participate.  And you already know what game we were playing...just keep the balloon off of the floor, when it comes near you, tap it back into the air. That simple.
And as simple if it may sound, if a balloon was to come near me right now, on the verge of kissing the floor, I would probably dive off of this computer chair to keep the game going, and that is just the way things work.
The lesson in all this?
At this conference I was at, the majority of topics had something to do with coming together as a student body and branching out and meeting new people.  All it really took was a damn balloon in the air and for a few minutes everyone was working together.
Then another speaker came in and ruined it all.  And that is also just the way things work.

The quiz taking must end NOW

I’ll be the first person to tell you that Facebook is an excellent way to waste time. In fact, whenever I have a test to study for, a paper to write or basically any other productive task to take care of, you’ll probably find me perusing the addictive website. It truly is the finest procrastination tool around.


Here is the problem: some people have a little too much time on their hands, and some people abuse Facebook’s time-wasting qualities. I’m looking at you, obsessive quiz takers. Thanks to my handy dandy news feed, I know way too much about Bob Whats-his-face (who went to my high school and never actually talked to me, but still felt the need to request me as a friend anyways).


Because good ol’ Bob took the time to take every Facebook quiz ever created, I now know that he will get married when he’s 25, have 2.5 kids and will die at age 55 due to a tragic hot dog incident. Oh, I also know that if her were a Beatle, he’d be Ringo. Bummer on the quiz results, dude. Everyone knows that Ringo was the least cool member.


Then there are the people who decide to take unnecessary quizzes like “what is your favorite alcoholic drink?” or “what is your favorite color?” Don’t you already know the answers to these questions? If you need to take a quiz to determine what your opinion on a beverage is, you shouldn’t be allowed to operate a computer… and don’t even get me started on the people who took the “what is your eye color” quiz. Seriously, buy a mirror, figure it out for yourself, and save some space on my news feed for more relevant updates so I can stalk people properly.

SHIT MY ROOMATES SAY

Background: After suspecting I had Swine Flu

"Who have you been kissing on? You can't get this shit from pigs you know?"

SHIT MY ROOMATES SAY

Background: The morning after her 21st birthday when she woke up...

"If I lay on this side, I'm sober. But if I lay on this side, I'm still drunk."

"FML''- The new college coping mechanism

I don't know where you go to school but where I am at, it’s like FML has taken over the world. It’s on Facebook, it’s in classes, and it’s in the cafeteria.
"My girlfriend is a whore, FML." "FML, I slept through class." "This meatloaf taste like fish, FML." "FML, I have Syphilis."
Yesterday my Chemistry professor announced a quiz that was going to take place the next day. I swear everyone in the classroom, including the extra smart foreign transfer students, groaned FML under their breaths.
Honestly, I like FML. When I hear somebody FMLing I feel like I can relate because my life sucks too, everyone's does in college. The best thing we can do to get over it is say our FMLs, throw a minor fit, and then take care of business.

Dialogue with a Non-Trad

and on this installment of The Diaries of a Traditional College Kidd, who hates Old College Kidds, the actual words that took place between me and and old lady who came into the bookstore to purchase a USB Jump Drive. She had on a backpack...old ladies shouldnt have backpacks.

Regular College Kidd(Me): Hi ma'm can I help you with anything?
Old Lady College Kidd: Yes Im looking for a USB Port Jump Drive (confused face)
Regular College Kidd(Me): (annoyed face) Okay they are right here by the batteries, these our only two brands
Old Lady College Kidd: (In competele technological niaveness) Do all these jump drives fit all computers?
Regular College Kidd(Me): Yes ma'm they all go in the usb port
Old Lady College Kidd: O where is that
Regular College Kidd(Me): Well if you have a newer computer or a Dell it may go in the side of the monitor, if you have a laptop it will go in below the keyboard, and if you have an older computer it will go in the tower
Old Lady College Kidd: O, I have an older computer
Regular College Kidd(Me): Okay then it will most likely go in the tower
Old Lady College Kidd: What's the tower?
Regular College Kidd(Me): (ready to commit homicide with a jump drive) the computer part, its tall and fat, not the screen
Old Lady College Kidd: O okay, is it where my internet connects in the back?
Regular College Kidd(Me): No mam, that is the ethernet cord, it looks like a phone jack, see this (pointing to the obvious) is more rectangular, and there most likely isnt anything in the place where you put it yet, maybe a mouse, but I doubt it.
Old Lady College Kidd: O i see
Regular College Kidd(Me): Ya (fake smile)(praying that she doesnt want me to explain how to open the folder once she plugs jump drive into the computer)
Old Lady College Kidd: Actually I don't want it. Ill just print my paper at home, thank you though....

This is the exact reason why Non-trads should have their own colleges with a quill and scroll, and stay away from us TRADITIONAL kiddes with an actual future.

Your bike may save the earth, but I still hate you

I’m sure this is a problem at a lot of colleges, especially in Colorado. Coloradoans love bicycles. College students love them even more. Add in the fact that my college is launching a huge "go green" campaign, and we’ve got ourselves a full blown cyclist over-population. 

Yeah, I get it—they provide a form of exercise, save money on gas and save the precious earth. Those reasons are all well and good, but bike riders provide me with a very annoying, sometimes dangerous, trip to class.

When bikers ride on the street, they seem to ignore practically every traffic law. Apparently, if you are on two wheels, the big red stop signs on street corners are optional. Once your butt touches that banana seat, that sign that once read “STOP,” now says “STOP… if it’s convenient. Ride onward you crazy biker, ride onward!”

Then they get to campus and decide to make the sidewalk their territory. Yes, there are signs everywhere that say “Yield to pedestrians,” but once again, these signs must be displaying a different message to bike riders. I assume they see something along the lines of “Please wiz through the crowd of pedestrians at your leisure—ten points if you clip one with your handlebars.”

Of course, bike riders do provide a source of entertainment from time to time. Eventually, you will see some poor sucker eat it on their beloved bicycle. If you’re really lucky, you might just see them collide with another bike, or even better, a long boarder (don’t even get me started on long boarders).

One time, I saw a guy skid on his bike and hit a retaining wall. It remains one of my fondest memories of college. For the record, I watched to make sure he was OK before I burst out in laughter, so I still consider myself a good person.

Non-Traditional College Students are the Devil

My number one problem with college is those who impose where they are not needed.
One of the main reasons I went away to College is so I wouldn't have to listen to a 40 something-year-old voice their opinion. I wish that Non-Trads would just sit in the back of the classroom, half asleep, in a text conversation, in sweats, with starbucks, counting down the minutes, like the rest of us.

But nnnoooo, they have to sit in the front row, right under the professors nose, and act like they know EVERYTHING.
Seriously lady?! I know your old, but I also know you weren't born in the 1800's. Therefore when the teacher is talking about Thomas Jefferson and his role as our president DO NOT nod your head and then proceed to tell the professor what TJ did!You weren't there! And you are not a historian, because if you were you would not be in my general education History 101 class.
Also, I'm not sure if this is just the idiot Non-Trads at my school or if this happens elsewhere but someone needs to tell these people that they don't have to ask the professor to use the bathroom. This isn't kindergarten and you can pee when you want, just get up and leave, your the one paying for this class!
I predict that this is the first of many post on Non-traditional students and their ability to make me want to jump off a cliff on daily basis.