Dog Days of Summer (classes)

Well after 12 weeks, 3 hair colors, 14 exams, and countless dollars spent in gas to keep me from rotting in Laramie, I am in the home stretch of summer classes. So, I take this time to reflect. To see how I have grown mentally, emotionally, physically (mostly physically... stupid beer). Summer classes are an odd mind set. I sat everyday with the same twenty people and one teacher. The classes are less like college and more like a return to grade school. You sit for nearly the same amount of time, you see the same dozen or so kids, and you pray for a movie or bathroom break. After 12 weeks, I realize that unusual "classroom friendships" are formed. Not to say they are bad, but they are formed out of necessity. Suddenly everyone in the class knows you. The best was the classmate hook up by far. In large classes which don't meet everyday, impossible to tell. However, in summer classes, a guy and a girl who sit near each other both conveniently miss class the same day; day after day... hook up. From personal experience people also call you out more. Especially hen you look like shit, because you went to bed at 1am and drove 2 hours to class at 5:30 am. Suddenly, you are in a room with several people who see you more than you get to see TV (scary, I know). Additionally, there are no non-trads and no freshmen... so it is pretty much the perfect classroom, everyone doesn't care, and no one wants to be the kid who asks a bunch of questions. The professors are different, too. Better. Caring less. Canceling more. Overall, summer class wasn't terrible. Sure, I probably missed some excellent summer TV (oh wait nope, America's Got Talent still sucks). But what I learned is take 1000 levels during the summer; get an easier professor, less freshman. Buy a box of crayola crayons pretend you are in 3rd grade.

Non-Trads and Book Buyback Season: a recipe for disaster

Ah, book buyback time at little old CSU-Pueblo.  First off, let me give any readers that aren’t from Pueblo a little background.  We have a Textbook Buyback once a semester and about three times during the summer.  There aren’t really any other buyers in our area so for any of us who don’t take the time or don’t utilize the planning necessary to buy and sell online, all we have is the bookstore.  I happen to work there and today my desk was positioned right next to the counter where the massive rip-off of our summer student body took place.

 

Yes, we all know that buying college textbooks in college bookstores (or buying anything in college bookstores) is a complete rip-off.  They always have been and always will be, however they are so damn convenient and tempting that they will continue to stand the test of time.  It’s one of those things, that after the initial shock of your first $400 purchase, becomes routine, like getting numerous cavities filled at the dentist.  No one likes it but it has to be done.

So now that that whole thing is out of the way, guess which group of people would be the only ones to repeatedly complain about getting less then half the money they paid for books in return at the end of the semester?  Not the blacks, not the Mexicans, not even the Asians; The Non-Trads.  Gosh I hate you guys.  With a passion.

Someone please tell me in what other medium do you get to use something until your done with it and then make back anything close to the original amount of money you spent on it. *Crickets* No where.  Not at the grocery store, not at the toy store, and not at the bookstore. But yet, it never fails.  It’s a routine; rolling backpack enters bookstore, book buyback lady says “I can only give you $5 for this one”, and then all hell breaks loose.

One lady even went as far as making an appointment with our manager to discuss how the money for textbooks is spent year after year.  This lady must have nothing else to do with her life.  I should have just told her to do something beneficial with her time and watch the season premiere of the Jersey Shore to brush up on her Italian culture instead of trying to make right for the pockets of fellow students.

All of us regular college kids are just happy we can now go halves on a pizza and skip the Roman noodles for once.

Punishment worse than death

I'll admit I love hyperbole. Greatly exaggerating my love or hate for something is not out of the ordinary. However when talking about summer school I cannot exaggerate enough. It is warm, sunny, and the roads are open... But I am stuck in a windowless classroom, for three hours a day. That is the second worse part of summer school. The worst part is not only are you in school, you are in hyper school. The class is only six weeks long, but that means class everyday for three hours and copious amounts of homework afterward. So even when I get out of class I have to resist the urge to frolic, and hold up in the library. Honestly, the school is setting me up for failure. This amount of work might be doable in December when there isn't anything to do and the roads are closed. I just can't help the mind set that this isn't the right time to be doing school work. Summer is my time to get super sun burnt, sleep till 1 in the afternoon, and generally be a burden to society.

I just need to remember just four more weeks (and I get memorial day off)!

I look ridiculous

Great news kidds: I'm graduating. Mind you, this mostly means that I will be finding a sturdy cardboard box to live in as I pay off a lifetime of student loans because I can't find a frickin' job. Only kidding about the box, I'll actually be living with my parents for a while, which is just as sad of an option, except it's warmer and I get free food.

For the most part, I'm pretty excited about graduation. The way I see it, it's my opportunity to force my parents to sit in a hot, crowded auditorium so they can properly acknowledge how smart I am. I'm VERY smart. I have honors chords to prove it, because clearly what matters in life is not what you have actually learned, but the records that prove you learned it better than 90 percent of your graduating class.

But yesterday, when I went to pick up my cap and gown, the ceremonial aspect of graduating lost a bit of its luster. First of all, who was in charge of designing the attire for commencement ceremonies?! I look ridiculous. This may or may not be due to the fact that the cap and gown company assumes anyone who is six feet tall also weighs 300 pounds - I'm can practically go for a swim in my gown. The trusty "one-size-fits-all" cap is the biggest lie in America. It does not fit all. It's barely big enough to fit around my fat head. Once I squeeze it on, it's a matter of not making any sudden movements, or else the elastic slides off my head in a swift motion, making it appear as though my cap is actually trying to escape.

To top it all off, my gown (which is only a rental) smells like vinegar. So I get to look ridiculous and smell weird while my family snaps hundreds of photos that they will treasure forever. Awesome.

Stupid attire aside, I am quite thrilled to be done with school. But as previously mentioned, I have not yet found a job. I'm sure the glory of freedom will get old the minute my bank account hits zero. But seeing as I will officially be an unemployed burden to society, that only means I'll have more time to blog. Lucky you.

Summer Break (ok well week)

So reading through the archive it has been an unseemly amount of time since I have written anything. However, since this is a college blog my lack of musing should be completely not a surprise. These last three months I am not sure if I showered, or washed clothes. I must have.... I am not rotting, but the only thing I can remember is the inside of the library and how to brominate an alkene........ So, when I was done with my finals last Friday I was pleasantly surprised to find that fashion magazines still exist, and not every wall has books ordered in the Dewy Decimal system around me.
Finally I am basking in the glory of summer break! Unfortunately, what college admission counselors don't tell you though is at some point to graduate you will have to take summer classes. I found this out the hard way, realizing that if I want to graduate ever, I have to forsake the one thing sacred to all students... Summer. This was probably the worst thing I have ever done. Though, to be fair this summer (classes included) can't be worse than last summer (1000 dollars in car repairs and I break my leg), not to jinx myself. I mean I don't want to die or break my pelvis or something. Rather than contemplate the ways I could runaway (train? hitch hike? Nope...I see both of those ending in a hobo related death), I am making a goal to not have a lame summer. I have a real problem with just bailing on life. This summer is going to be different! I am going to do things! Fun things! Hopefully they will provide fodder for blogging. The summer of Grace (not to be confused with the summer of George) begins tomorrow with a free concert! Fingers crossed

Be Mine (that is an effing order)

Okay deep breath... Valentine's day... there that wasn't so bad (bla bla bla), alright need to practice keeping my food down while thinking of Valentine's Day. I am working on it. Honestly, it took me a lot to think of anything to actually say about Valentine's Day. I mean of course there is the Catholic school angle, "this is a holiday about a martyr who married people while in prison for being Christian." However then I thought, married people in prison? Maybe he wasn't that great of a guy after all. He got sainthood and a holiday for that? I mean I am pretty sure I could do that... Anyway, then I thought about the "Hallmark hates you side," and that was just too obvious. Yeah, we all know that all holidays are secular and that Hallmark and Hershey’s are out to get us, enough. Actually, I am surprised by the industries which aren't cashing in on Valentine's Day.

First off... The single serving cake producers. You have seen the commercials for "Warm Delights" a microwavable cake. Basically if you find this item in your house it means you are too lazy to add water and an egg to cake mix and wait 30 minutes. It also is a good indicator that you are going to be at home with Mr. Meowsie for Valentine's Day. Probably counting down the seconds on the microwave till your chocolate covered sadness is done. If I were marketing these I would be all over Valentine's Day. Picture the ad, a woman (attractive, like way too good looking to ever ingest one of these) reading a romance novel in her apartment. She hears the beep of a microwave. A handsome man swaggers into the room, lovingly pets a near by kitten, and offers her a microwaved cake. She takes a bite in ecstasy. Bam, lonely cat ladies everywhere are eating instant fat and sugar faster than you can say "eats her emotions."

Second target demographic... Young (read: stupid) lovers. What industry needs to cash in on this? Plan B. Valentine's Day is like the second most popular day to cash in that V card (a close second to prom). Also, who is stupider than overly romantic teenagers? No one. Plan B needs to jump on this shit, else maybe the maternity ward should put out ads right around Thanksgiving. Again, I think that this sells itself, but the ad could be so classy... a young woman (probably mid twenties, but hell it might as well be a thirteen year old) wakes up in a bed with rose peddles everywhere. She looks out the window, and at the vase of roses on the window seal. Then the narrator says, "Even perfect nights can seem unplanned, so have a Plan B." I mean really, perfection in a commercial form.

Finally, school counselors, and psych drugs. I know they usually don't have ads (well the counselors), but if they did this would be the time. I can honestly not think of a more insane time then attempting to make Valentine's for all my classmates in the 5th grade, while simultaneously trying to reveal to my crush (Corey Jamroz, yeah I still remember, bitter? no not all, and not crazy either) my "un faltering devotion" for him. That is stressful, and it also would be easier if I had taken some Ritalin to give me more energy. Or even better some Zoloft for when I get a "You are a great friend" Valentine from boy crush that the girl next to me also got. Now that I think of it, if the people who sell candy grams could just also sell anti depressants they would make a killing after Valentine's Day (for all those girls who didn't need the plan B).

I guess now that I think of it Valentine's Day isn't that horrible. Now that I can go out to bars, maybe this is just the perfect excuse to drink away my singleness (but please roofies are not necessary, red bull and jager works just fine).

All Non-Traditional Students Practice Polygamy

Photo by Eddie

It's true.