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Sunday, November 29, 2009

My Favorite Scapgoats

The end of November is a time to look at your life and consider what you are truly thankful for. Ok so maybe you are supposed to do this before Thanksgiving; however since I just woke up from a food induced coma I am calling it even. I look at my computer and think there is so much in this world I am blessed to have, things many people don't get. Most of all I think, "God I am so lucky, if any of this paper I am working on goes missing I have the perfect scapegoat." Well one thought led to another, and what I am really thankful for is in fact scapegoats. Here are a couple of my very favorite:

Windows Vista: Most people see Vista as the ugly bastard cousin of XP. However Vista is a wealth of blame taking goodness. Your margins are half an inch too big? Damn Vista. I can never find the button to change them to the standard. Your paper for some reason is missing two pages, and one page is just "Kill Flanders" repeated? Stupid Vista, it is some new fangled setting that no one is sure how to change. Basically if you start saying "Vvvviii" any teacher, group leader, supervisor will immediately have some similar story and your half assed paper is being accepted.

Cyberspace: So maybe instead of half assing that paper you just didn't do it. No problem. Cyberspace is the most nebulous scapegoat of all. What is cyberspace? Damned if I know. What I do know is that many papers get lost there. When the professor asks, "So I didn't get a paper from you?" Let your face fall then look at your desk, when you look back up at the professor say, "But, but I emailed it to you last night. Uhg.... It must have gotten lost in cyberspace some where." Catastrophe avoided, you now have one night to BS a paper and then blame it on Vista.

Wyotech: Ok so this is kind of specific to Laramie, but I am sure every college has one of these "townies" type. Conveniently placed in Laramie is the auto mechanic technical school Wyotech, students who go there are called "Techers." A girl drives drunk and crashes her car after going to party. Next day, UW students say well she was hanging out with techers that was her first mistake. Any UW student can do any ridiculous, dangerous, stupid, you name it action after a party and simply defer blame to a non descript techer.

There you have it, scapegoats keep the world going. If this blog seems super lame, sorry not my fault I tried to type it on lame ass Vista and email it in, but.... well you get the idea.

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