I look ridiculous

Great news kidds: I'm graduating. Mind you, this mostly means that I will be finding a sturdy cardboard box to live in as I pay off a lifetime of student loans because I can't find a frickin' job. Only kidding about the box, I'll actually be living with my parents for a while, which is just as sad of an option, except it's warmer and I get free food.

For the most part, I'm pretty excited about graduation. The way I see it, it's my opportunity to force my parents to sit in a hot, crowded auditorium so they can properly acknowledge how smart I am. I'm VERY smart. I have honors chords to prove it, because clearly what matters in life is not what you have actually learned, but the records that prove you learned it better than 90 percent of your graduating class.

But yesterday, when I went to pick up my cap and gown, the ceremonial aspect of graduating lost a bit of its luster. First of all, who was in charge of designing the attire for commencement ceremonies?! I look ridiculous. This may or may not be due to the fact that the cap and gown company assumes anyone who is six feet tall also weighs 300 pounds - I'm can practically go for a swim in my gown. The trusty "one-size-fits-all" cap is the biggest lie in America. It does not fit all. It's barely big enough to fit around my fat head. Once I squeeze it on, it's a matter of not making any sudden movements, or else the elastic slides off my head in a swift motion, making it appear as though my cap is actually trying to escape.

To top it all off, my gown (which is only a rental) smells like vinegar. So I get to look ridiculous and smell weird while my family snaps hundreds of photos that they will treasure forever. Awesome.

Stupid attire aside, I am quite thrilled to be done with school. But as previously mentioned, I have not yet found a job. I'm sure the glory of freedom will get old the minute my bank account hits zero. But seeing as I will officially be an unemployed burden to society, that only means I'll have more time to blog. Lucky you.